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Healing Together: Transforming Relationships Through
Trauma-Informed Couples Therapy 

Trauma Therapy for Couples

When the past won’t stay in the past.
Trauma doesn’t just affect individuals—it reshapes relationships.
It shows up in how you fight, how you shut down, how you reach, how you protect.
And it can make love feel dangerous, even when you want it more than anything.

What Trauma Looks Like in a Relationship

You might not use the word “trauma” to describe what happened to you.
But if you…

  • Get overwhelmed or flooded during conflict

  • Feel emotionally numb or shut down when things get too close

  • Panic when you’re misunderstood, dismissed, or ignored

  • Feel like you're always bracing for disappointment

  • Struggle with physical intimacy even when you care deeply

  • Believe deep down you’re too much, not enough, or unlovable
    …you’re not just being sensitive or difficult. Your nervous system is doing its job.

When trauma hasn’t been fully processed, relationships become the place where those wounds get reactivated.
And often—without realizing it—partners become triggers, not teammates.

How I Work With Trauma in Couples Therapy

I don’t just focus on communication skills.
I help you understand what happens underneath your reactions—where the fear lives, where the shame started, and how your body learned to protect you.

This is trauma-informed therapy, which means:

  • We go at a pace your nervous system can handle

  • We slow down when emotions escalate

  • We prioritize safety over speed

  • We explore how the past is shaping the present—without getting stuck there

  • We work with your body’s responses, not against them

I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), polyvagal theory, and attachment science to help you understand your patterns, rewire your responses, and create a relationship where connection actually feels safe.

 

What You Can Expect

In trauma-informed couples therapy, we don’t pathologize your reactions. We get curious about them.
You’ll learn to:

  • Recognize when you're in survival mode

  • Understand your partner’s reactions without personalizing them

  • Repair after conflict without shutting down or exploding

  • Speak from pain instead of protection

  • Build new emotional and physical intimacy—at your own pace

This isn’t about perfect behavior. It’s about making sense of why you do what you do—and learning how to do it differently, together.

 

Who This Is For

  • Couples where one or both partners have trauma histories (attachment wounds, childhood neglect, abuse, loss, addiction, systemic trauma)

  • Relationships where intimacy feels confusing, inconsistent, or unsafe

  • People who’ve been told they’re “too much,” “too sensitive,” or “too cold”

  • Couples who are stuck in push-pull cycles and want to break the pattern, not just manage the symptoms

 

You don’t have to choose between connection and protection.

There’s a way to build a relationship that honors both.

 

Ready to start?

You can come in together or begin individually if one of you isn’t ready yet. Either way, we’ll move at the pace your nervous systems need.

Why Trauma Can Be Healed More Effectively in Couples Therapy

Trauma often happens in relationship—and it gets healed there, too.

Individual therapy is powerful. But some of the deepest healing happens when your pain is seen, understood, and responded to in real time by the person who matters most to you.

In couples therapy, you don’t just talk about what hurt.
You get the chance to create a new emotional experience—one where your fear is met with care, your shame is met with softness, and your protest is actually heard instead of shut down.

That kind of experience doesn’t just change your thoughts. It rewires your nervous system.

Couples therapy offers what trauma never did:

  • A safe place to be vulnerable and stay connected

  • A way to express pain without being punished or dismissed

  • A partner who learns how to respond with attunement instead of defense

  • A chance to rewrite the emotional script—not just analyze it

This doesn’t mean your partner becomes your therapist.
It means your relationship becomes a space where healing is possible—not just triggering.

If you've been trying to heal your trauma alone—and it still shows up in your relationship—maybe it’s time to try healing within it.

Trauma & Attachment in Couples Therapy

Why love feels so good—and so terrifying.

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man and woman kissing on brown grass fie

Trauma-Informed Couples Therapy

Trauma doesn’t disappear when you fall in love.

It goes underground.
It shapes how you reach, how you protect, how close you let someone get.
And when things get hard, it takes the wheel.

Many couples come to therapy thinking they have a communication problem.
But often, what they’re really dealing with is a protection problem.

 

Attachment: What You Learned About Love Early On

Attachment is your emotional blueprint.
It’s how your nervous system learned to get close, get safe, or survive disappointment.
And it's shaped by early relationships—how your caregivers responded when you needed comfort, when you had big feelings, or when you felt alone.

There are different attachment styles—but it’s not about labels.
It’s about understanding your default settings:

  • Do you chase connection and panic when it’s not there?

  • Do you shut down to avoid being overwhelmed or rejected?

  • Do you swing between both?

Your attachment system isn’t flawed. It’s adaptive. But in adult relationships, these adaptations can start to feel like sabotage.

 

Trauma Makes Attachment Feel Risky

When you’ve lived through trauma—especially relational trauma like neglect, betrayal, or emotional abuse—closeness can feel dangerous.

Your partner says, “I need to talk.”
Your body hears: You’ve failed.
You ask for reassurance.
They hear: You’re never enough.

That’s how trauma and attachment collide.
Old wounds show up in present dynamics.
You’re not reacting to this moment—you’re reacting to what it reminds you of.

 

The Cycle: Where You Get Stuck Together

In couples therapy, we look at the cycle, not just the symptoms.
It’s the loop you keep getting pulled into:

One person withdraws to stay safe → the other protests to get closeness → both feel misunderstood, alone, and hurt.

The behaviors might look different, but the pain underneath is often the same:
“Do I matter to you?”
“Are you going to leave?”
“Can I be myself and still be loved?”

 

Healing Starts With Understanding What’s Driving You

Trauma-informed, attachment-based couples therapy helps you both:

  • Recognize when you’re in fight/flight/freeze instead of connection

  • Slow down reactivity and increase emotional safety

  • Learn to name needs without blame or collapse

  • Create new emotional experiences that build trust, not break it

  • Repair the past—so you stop reenacting it with each other

You don’t need to perform closeness or hide your pain.
You need space to be real, seen, and safe.

You’re not “too much.” You’re just wired to protect what matters.

And you both deserve a relationship that doesn’t feel like a battleground.

Trauma Therapy Resources for Couples

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