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Why Some People Can’t Feel Safe Even When They Are

Writer's picture: Hanna BaselHanna Basel

When someone always seems on edge and can’t feel safe, even when things are fine, it usually comes down to their past experiences and how they’ve learned to cope.


Woman holding a man she is in a relationship with outside.

 

Past Baggage

 

• Bad Experiences:

If someone’s been through tough times, especially growing up, they might always be on the lookout for trouble because their brain is wired to keep them safe.

• Expecting the Worst:

If they’ve had a lot of negative experiences, they might automatically expect bad things to happen, even if things are actually okay.

 

How They Connect with Others

 

• Trust Issues

People who didn’t have steady, reliable connections growing up might find it hard to trust others. Even when things are good, they’re waiting for something to go wrong.


Fear of Being Left

If they’re scared of being abandoned or rejected, they’re always on high alert, looking for any signs of danger.

 

Anxiety and Stress

 

• Always on Guard

High anxiety makes people super alert to danger. This makes it hard to relax and see that things are safe.


• Brain on Overdrive

When stress is high, the brain’s alarm system is constantly ringing, making it tough to notice when things are actually okay.

 

Trust and Vulnerability

 

• Hard to Trust

Trusting others means being vulnerable, and if someone’s been hurt before, letting their guard down feels too risky.


• Too Good to Be True

They might think that feeling safe is just setting them up for disappointment, so they stay on alert.

 

Not Enough Good Experiences

 

• Lack of Positive Moments

If they haven’t had many positive, safe experiences, they don’t really know what safety feels like, so they miss it when it’s there.

 

How to Help

 

1. Talk It Out

Therapy can help people feel safer by talking through their fears and learning new ways to cope.

2. Chill Out

Techniques like mindfulness or deep breathing can help reduce that constant sense of alertness.


3. Baby Steps

Building trust little by little with people who are reliable can help them learn to feel safe.


4. Positive Reinforcement

Having more good experiences and getting positive feedback can gradually shift their focus from danger to safety.

 

By understanding these reasons, we can better support ourselves and others in feeling more secure and less anxious.


Strengthen your relationship with professional guidance—contact HZB Therapy, licensed in Minnesota and Oregon, today.

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